Things He Might Not Like About You To Distract From What You Don’t Like About Him

Reading a guy can be hard, especially when you’re actively suppressing your indifference toward him. Sometimes we need a little help understanding the house of cards that is mutual attraction, so here are some of the things he might not like about you to fuel your self-consciousness and distract you from all the things you don’t like about him.


Your Hair

Maybe this dude only shampoos when his parents are visiting. But hey, what makes your hair so great? Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger swears her male clients always prefer women with long, straight hair, yet you insist on wearing your hair at a manageable length and in its natural texture like some kind of tree person. Solution: Drop hundreds of dollars on professional hair extensions. You’ll be too exhausted from rising at 5 AM to straighten your hair every morning to think too hard about the rancid scalp oil stains he leaves on your furniture.


Your Décor

Fine, so he had to throw out all his furniture after he tried to treat bed bugs on his own. Have you chosen the correct couch shape? Do you have too many candles? Too few? Bet you’ve never considered any of this. Bet you’ve just focused on his slum-like living conditions. Couch shape and candle population are just two things he might find irksome if he ever deigns to stay at your place instead of making you cross town to sleep on his air mattress.



Your Body

Sure, big butts are in, but a guy still likes a trim girlfriend to show off to his buddies when they come over to watch football and drink their beer bellies full every single fucking Sunday. Exercise yourself into oblivion, and you won’t notice that he’s gaining all the weight you’re losing. You can live with this!


Your Nagging

Guys hate being bossed around, so be sure to focus on your lack of a fun, breezy tone while shouldering all of the responsibility in and for the relationship. Just because he won’t make a single decision doesn’t mean he wants to be told what do, Ms. Bossy Bottom!


Who You Are at the Most Fundamental Level

If there’s one thing guys truly can’t stand, it’s who you really are. This is especially true when you’re hopelessly incompatible with who he really is. Who are you, and how many ways is it embarrassing him right now? Why are you that way, and why don’t you just fucking stop it, for once? Thinking about the crippling features of your very essence will help steal the focus from the crippling foundations of your relationship.


Remember: It’s usually better to be in a mediocre relationship than a positive relationship with yourself. Good luck!