10 More Reasons You Can’t Sleep With The Millers’ German Exchange Student

Hey Moms! 2015 signals a new year, a new semester, and a new German exchange student for the Millers (Sue and Dave, not Shelly and Rick). Let’s resolve to start this year off with a CLEAN SLATE when we pick Michael up from soccer practice and witness the proof of a thriving post-Cold War Germany on the calves of one of its citizens. Here are ten more reasons you can’t sleep with the Millers’ German exchange student:


There Is No Exchange Rate For Age

Sixteen “German years” does not equal nineteen “American years.” Even though their high school lasts longer and they can drink beer when they’re infants, that does not mean that it is okay to sleep with him in either culture. Got it?


Sue Would Kill You

Remember when you accidentally took her scarf home from the Benson’s potluck? This woman is NOT to be trifled with. Do not sleep with her exchange student again.


Germans Are Depressing

Recall your German Lit class? Or wait was that germane lit? Either way, it was sad. He will probably not be as fun and romantic as the last one, who was half-Italian.


He Might Blackmail You For a Visa

Immigrants will use any trick they can to escape. Especially if he’s from Berlin.


Probably Not Circumcised

Ewww. Okay, so that never stopped you before, but come on. Just stop this nonsense, please.



Leave Something For Tovah Moorehouse

Prom is this semester. That girl’s only hope is somebody who is unable to understand her and has a different cultural standard for beauty.


Jim Called Twice Last Week



Michael Deserves Better

He needs a father figure, not a friend (like Paul, Kim’s dentist friend!).


You Deserve Better

You deserve someone who is going to stick around and “get you” on every level! You have to really believe this for it to happen!


The Bartles Just Hired a Male Au Pair

He’s here on a workstudy program from the Sorbonne and is probably AT LEAST 19 years old ;)


Overall, there’s a plethora of reasons not to sleep with – okay, you definitely already slept with him, didn’t you?