From lung cancer to heart disease, everyone knows the harmful effects of smoking cigarettes. But what about if you only light up once a day? A new study suggests that honestly, it’s probably fine.
The scientists involved in this groundbreaking research followed a total of six subjects as they smoked one cigarette per day to see who developed coronary heart disease, stroke, or other life-threatening effects over the course of a week or so.
“The results were simply astonishing,” said primary investigator Dr. Madeline Crinkelkow. “After extensive-ish research and follow-up, we’ve concluded that if subjects just enjoy a little tobacco here and there, it’s not that big of a deal. We’re not sure but probably.”
Gender and age were major factors in participant health outcomes. The research found that while women who smoked just one cigarette per day were pretty much fine more or less, men who engaged in the same behavior seemed good to go.
Similarly, participants between the ages of 18-30 coughed once or twice, while those between 30-45 coughed one to three times per daily cigarette. The research suggested that coughing was unlikely to be a big deal, just kind of comes with the territory.
Researchers only studied generally healthy individuals, excluding patients with asthma and anyone who had ever been a heavy smoker. The study did not, however, compare smoking the old fashioned stuff with the use of e-cigarettes.
“Hmm, well, it’s hard to tell how many drops of vape juice directly correlate to one smooth, delicious ciggie,” said Crinkelkow. “Further research by another team would need to be done to assess this, because none of the individuals involved in our study would ever be caught dead smoking a vape.”
The study concludes by saying that while, duh, smoking tobacco even in moderation has more adverse health effects than abstaining, everything is just really crazy right now and people deserve just one and at least it isn’t meth.
When asked if she herself would consider smoking one cigarette per day, Professor Crinkelkow said, “No, never. Well, I guess socially. Only if I’ve been drinking.”