The American Girl Doll line of dolls owned by Mattel has not always been beyond reproach in its representations of the American girl experience. Issues with representations of race, class, and the bloody reality of American history have not always been handled as delicately as they required, but the company has made efforts in recent years to right these wrongs. However, in all this “progress” there has been one stable and glaring absence. Indeed, I am referring to the complete lack of Paul Giamatti American Girl Dolls, which is discrimination against me, Paul Giamatti.
Behind closed doors, a lot of people might murmur, “Why should there be one — or even more than one, as his language suggests — American Girl Doll based on character actor Paul Giamatti, who is a living contemporary figure, and also a man?” Well, I challenge you to raise your voices to the critical light of public examination, because once you do, you may just realize how bigoted your words are.
First of all, this isn’t about gender, it’s about Giamatti. As some are quick to point out, there are “Truly Me” American Boy Dolls, but guess what? They’re truly not me; they’re just some little boy freaks who don’t even have names or backstories. Also, I don’t want my American Girl Doll to be a boy — that’s like getting a Porsche SUV. I want it to be a girl character but as represented by me, Paul Giamatti. And before you start to freak out, I’m not trying to represent a trans character. It’s just an 18-inch plastic doll representation of me, Paul Giamatti, villain in such films as Big Fat Liar and John Adams in films such as John Adams, playing a little girl in good old-fashioned drag.
“Why do we need this?” Wrong question. Why don’t we need this? There are so many little girls out there who might feel best represented by a character who seems to be on some level portrayed by me, Paul Giamatti, but I guess their stories don’t matter? That’s the message the American Girl Doll company is sending, anyway.
But whatever, this isn’t really about them. This is about the fact that the current offerings are discriminatory against me, Paul Giamatti, personally. Some people take issue with American Girl Dolls being exclusionary because they’re so expensive. I don’t give a shit about that! I have the money. Make it as expensive as you want; I’m Paul fucking Giamatti. Do you know I’m in Billions? Are you watching that? Ah, anyway.
So to the people who make creative decisions about American Girl Dolls, why don’t you open up your ears and listen to this American person, Paul Giamatti? I never ask for anything!! Okay, thanks.
