Breaking up is hard to do—especially when it’s with your fiancé’s dad. Here’s the ultimate set of jams to help you wash that distinguished man right out of your hair and the old-man cologne out of your sheets before your fiancé gets home from his bachelor party weekend!
“Night Moves” – Bob Seger
Yeah, it was “your song” (he liked to play it while making love), but it’s the perfect song to put on to distract him while you grab your thongs out of his desk drawer. By the time he has his pants and sock-suspenders off for one last “night move,” you’ll be out the door!
“Part of Your World” – The Little Mermaid
This one is bittersweet—it’ll make you think about how you tried to share each other’s worlds – like the time you tried to go with him to the country club, but he forced you to sit in the golf cart while he hung in the “men’s only” cigar lounge. Also, he always hated watching this movie with his granddaughters.
“Don’t Stand So Close to Me’ – The Police
If your relationship had a defining song, this was it. You were always having to ask him to not stand so close to you (so that he could hear you, grinding up on you in your engagement pictures, etc.).
“White Wedding” – Billy Idol
Remember—you’re getting married! This should remind you about all the fun to come on your big day.
“Rocket Man” – Elton John
He would tell you stories about Sputnik, the first satellite or something. Ugh, his old-timey science stories always put you right to sleep.
“Old Man” – Neil Young
The title says it all, amirite? That’s why you invested in this family in the first place.
“Jennifer Juniper” – Donovan
It’s a sweet song, but remember how he was always calling you “Jennifer” (his dead second wife’s name)?
“All About that Bass” – Meghan Trainor
Time to get your groove on, girl! Feel good about your body—and about how his decaying ears could really only hear that bass (no treble).
“Cat’s in the Cradle” – Harry Chapin
Isn’t it ironic that he was always working when his son was young and wanted to play, and then when his son was too busy working, you turned to good old Dad? Put this on while you delete the blurry dick pics he took with his Logitech webcam.
“Daughters” – John Mayer
Hold onto this one in case he wants to dance with you at the wedding. It’ll be the perfect song to transition into your new, socially acceptable relationship. If being in close proximity is too much for him, at least you won’t feel his erection through that many layers of tulle.
