Everyone knows winter is a time for not shaving your legs, and if anyone embraces this tradition, it’s you. But how do you avoid that embarrassing moment when a coworker or blind date notices the long, wild hairs charging through your nylons? Just because you’re a bristly monster doesn’t mean everyone has to know it. We’ve compiled a list of the best winter tights to avoid being found out in your dirty little routine of not shaving for almost two months.
Opaque Tights
Forget sheer! Opaque is the only way to go if you don’t want folks observing your repulsive leggy locks through your tights. These aren’t your mother’s nylons! They’re your grandmothers. Bonus: they also hide varicose veins.
Ribbed Tights
Not only are the vertical lines slimming, but your bushy leg hair will run parallel with the ribbing, leaving no one at book club hip to the fact that you haven’t touched a razor since October. Your niece recently suffered painful scrapes from trying to climb into your lap—and that’s nobody’s business but your own.
Stretchy Pants
Stretchy pants aren’t just for teens anymore; you can wear them as an adult! The thick material keeps your leg beard from rearing its ugly head at the wrong moment (which is any moment you’re around other humans). You should probably just shave, since it’s getting pretty out of control and people are worried.
Workout Pants
There’s a reason Lululemon pantaloons cost as much as a nice dinner. They’re like a swim cap for your stems! Nothing gets in and nothing gets out. Now people will be impressed by your commitment to your health, while also remaining ignorant to your lush, hirsute shanks.
Long John’s
Grab your thermal long underwear, Doc Martens and a flannel and travel back in time to the 90s! Your neighbors will be so impressed when you quote My So-Called Life they’ll have no idea the hair down there is just as long and unruly as Brian Krakow’s.
Winter is a time for staying cozy and warm and for going as long as possible without shaving your legs. Let these legwear options be your best friends during the season of neglect!
