Whether or not you need glasses, the only foolproof method for getting your crush to be attracted to you is by taking off a pair of glasses in his presence. In order to consider a dork like you, he needs to feel like he’s seeing something there that he didn’t see before—something without glasses. You’re gonna want to fail an eye exam and get yourself one of these cute pairs to take off ASAP!
Cat Eye Glasses (Etsy, $84)
These glasses almost look sexy by themselves, but they still aren’t enough for your crush to give you even a passing glance. This is a guy who usually dates non-losers. Take these glasses off in front of your crush, and he’ll say, “Meow!” because he’s a cool guy and that’s what cool guys say. Do a hair flip for an additional incentive that’ll get him purring!
Round Glasses (Glasses USA, $89)
Dork alert! You look like a cartoon-character dweeb with these spectacles on. No one cool would ever think a four-eyes like you was even a 6. We all know it’s 8 or bust with your crush, who is dank at lacrosse. But lucky for you, playing things down is a great way to heighten your fuckability when the glasses come off. He’ll be so startled by the transformation that you’ll have a date to prom in no time!
Wire Frame Glasses (Frames Direct, $392.15)
Crushes, on the whole, are a visual species. That’s where these old-ladyish, removable frames come in. Put on these granny glasses and look as intimidating and unsexy as Emma Goldman. Gross, you look like you’re about to read everyone medieval poetry! But when you take these puppies off? Whoa! Serious hottie! Go from Harry Potter to Emma Watson in one fell swoop. Your crush won’t be able to resist your bewitching glasses-free gaze!
Black Frames (Warby Parker, $95)
Ew. Just EW. You look like a fucking nerd. Who would ever want you? Until…oh my God—when you take off these disgusting glasses, you are as glamorous as Audrey Hepburn and your crush will crumble at your elegance. If you keep them on, however, you will die an unlovable spinster who will be buried in the homecoming dress you never got to wear. This is how glasses work.
Transition Lenses (Eye Buy Direct, $39)
Transition lens glasses are universally known as the worst of all time, no matter how great your face and body are. Put these on to look like a sick little creep whose eyes are too sensitive for the sun. Take these off in front of your crush, however, and the drastic change from weak sun-fearer to regular human being will have him hooked. Get it, girl!
Your crush hasn’t batted an eye at you. Help him to reconsider by giving him an excuse to ignore you and then removing that excuse right before his eyes!
