Your sensual bath for two just got interrupted by a monstrous period queef. Yipes! But don’t panic—a bathtime pussyfart can happen to any woman whose vagina is full of menses and air. Act quick and throw these amaze bath bombs in to cover your bloody mess before your hottie notices.
1. Yoga Bomb (Lush, $8.95)
Throw this bomb in there as soon as you feel that surprise quiver slip past your Diva Cup. You’ll be amazed when your date starts asking you about yoga and transformative meditation instead of that bubble of lady gore that’s slowly floating toward his left knee. Instead of letting your bloody queef ruin your sexy bath time, cover it up with this clever fizzer! Ommmmm.
2. Root Beer Float (Fizz & Bubble, $7)
Once your bathroom smells like root beer, he’ll be too busy remembering the times his grandpa took him out for root beer floats after his baseball game to even notice your effervescent crimson rampage. Yay! Now that he seems a little sad and trying not to cry, it’s a good time to splash your bloody queef (or BQ for short) to other side of the tub. Strategy!
3. ME! Bath Gotta Have It Pomegranate Mini Bath Ice Cream (Target, $9.99)
In the event that your BQ is mighty and powerful like a hellmouth, take absolutely no chances. Use the entire bag of adorable mini bombs to fumigate each corner of the tub. He’ll wonder what’s up with all these little explosions and won’t notice your blood queef barreling toward him.
4. Sex Bomb (Lush, $6.95)
This is the ultimate bath bomb because it’s named after sex. Pop this baby into the tub and your man will be under your spell, even if his leg is under a floating oil tanker of frothy uterine lining. He’ll be so enraptured by the sensual smells of Sex Bomb that he’ll assume the scent of a soapy, farty vagina on the third day of a period is part of it. Nailed it!
Don’t let the fear of BQs ruin your sensual baths. No matter how violent and noxious your BQ is, you can still enjoy a romantic evening by having these bath bombs cover up your nightmarish bodily functions. Now instead of asking, “Whoa, what’s that?” he’ll be all “What’s a bath bomb?”
