Like a long, cold, unforgiving winter, watching the presidential election has likely added many years to your skin. Thankfully, modern medicine has developed anti-aging products far more advanced than our country’s political system. Use any of these moisturizing creams to rejuvenate yourself, and reverse the signs of rapid aging this election has caused you.
Tatcha Ageless Enriching Renewal Cream ($185, Barney’s)
Peony extract pairs with patented anti-aging HADASEI-3 Complex to diminish the frown lines and wrinkles this election has given you. This cream will reverse the effects that have made it look haggard and sallow, after spending too much time thinking about how society has allowed Donald Trump to run for president. A pearl-sized amount should be enough to reduce the signs of watching him lumber after Hillary on the debate stage like a wounded bear.
NeriumAD Age Defying Treatment ($110, NeriumAD.com)
Apply this age-defying cream to combat the forehead wrinkles you developed from furrowing your brow for a straight year, since people started regularly hurling gendered insults at the most qualified presidential candidate in American history. It will give your skin the youthful glow of a time before we had to watch a woman defend herself against blatantly sexist attacks on the national stage. Use this cream morning, noon and night. Eventually, your face should appear fresh instead of puffy and worn from the three bottles of Pinot Grigio you consume every time the news comes on.
Chanel Ultra Correction Lift Firming Day Cream ($150, Neiman Marcus)
Get smooth skin with this elastin fiber-bonding day cream that creates a more supportive network than your parents who proudly voted for Trump. With such a soft, matte effect, no one should be able to see the stress lines you’ve gotten from constantly arguing with them on the phone until they eventually stopped speaking to you altogether. Let this luxurious cream give you the perky lift of someone who existed in the halcyon days before the year 2016 instead.
G.M. Collin Phyto Stem Cell + Cream ($116, GMCollin.com)
Who can say exactly when you started aging like this? But, sometime around Trump’s first “blood” comment about Megyn Kelly, you’ve been rapidly maturing like someone pressing fast-forward on a VCR. You remember VCRs. You were definitely born within the last century and not 2,000 years ago. Right? Literally just put stem cells on your face.
Olay Pro-X Eye Restoration Complex ($42, Drugstore.com)
Make people say, “I don’t believe you!” when you tell them how long you really scream-cried watching Newt Gingrich downplay the severity of sexual assault on live television. This moisturizing cream will erase crow’s feet, puffiness, dark circles and any other effects of observing today’s toxic political climate. Pat this product onto your eyelids before refresh the polling results on Fivethirtyeight blog to prevent the further effects of aging as she temporarily dips below an 80% chance of winning.
Though age-defying creams can be costly, they’re definitely worth the investment to protect your skin from showing any signs of this election season. Now get out there and stay young, ladies!
