The 5 Best Things About Being A Woman Who’s Crying On The Floor Of This Applebee’s

If you’re a woman who dares shed a single tear in this Applebee’s, you might be thought of as “weak” and “silly”. But crying in this Applebee’s really means you’re a strong, wholehearted member of society and that’s why you just got on the ground to do it. Here are the five best things about being a woman who’s now crying on the floor of this Applebee’s.


It’s cathartic AF

Tears are cleansing. They literally they wash away the pain. Once you’ve been crying face down on the carpet for a good five minutes, your mind will feel purified. And you’ll know what to order! (The spaghetti enchiladas with the plate on the ground near your mouth.)


It’s natural

Just because society says you should “bottle up your emotions” and “stay in your seat at the restaurant” until you explode from a sadness stroke doesn’t mean you have to. You plan to weep with abandon on this floor until time or someone who works here stops you, like the manager or your waitress, Joyce. And good luck to anyone else who tries!



Crying can be beautiful in the right Applebee’s

It may feel scary to take off your armor and cry publically in an Applebee’s, but transcend that fear. Whenever you get on the floor and say “I’m not getting up until the pain goes away” at any establishment, you’re going to get yelled at by a staff member. That’s inevitable. But life isn’t about avoiding getting yelled at—it’s about yelling back as you insist that customers should be allowed to cry wherever they want. Luckily, in the right Applebee’s, no one will argue with you, and that’s beautiful.


It’s healthy for you

Crying while lying down lowers blood pressure because it probably makes your blood flat, like when you tip a soda can over. And even if that’s not “scientifically correct,” there’s definitely some merit for your mental health. Get with the program, doctors!


You just found $1!

You just found one dollar! If you weren’t lying on the floor right now, you wouldn’t have found it. You could probably buy a pencil or a couple of ice cream sandwiches with that dollar. Worth it!!!


See? Crying isn’t just good for your soul, it’s good for your wallet as well. So tonight, tomorrow or next week, when you’re at Applebee’s and you want to have an emotional breakdown on the floor, just do it!