Thanks CDC! Finally I Can Use That Madewell Ascot I Spent $28 On  

I can’t believe it; the day has come! Thanks to the CDC’s recommendation that everyone covers their faces, I’ve finally found a use for that silk Madewell ascot I bought last fall for $28.


I bought the ascot in September, and I haven’t used it since. I walked into the store and spotted it, a scant silk square, blue with little orange flowers. I’m not really an ascot girl per se, but I was tricked by the tasteful neutrals and tall dressing rooms of J.Crew’s little sister store. I somehow convinced myself that having a silk ascot would be useful, classy and that it would transform me into a French gamine.


Obviously, since then, I have never worn it once.


Until now.



Thanks to the new CDC recommendations, I can finally use my silk ascot as a makeshift mask! I had thought of other uses of the ascot before, but none of them ever panned out. I can’t blow my nose in silk, so up until now, I had spent $28 for a closet decoration.


For months, I’d resigned myself to the fact that it’s just not normal to wear an ascot unless you’re in the 70’s or an upper-class land-owner in the 1880s. Every time you wear an ascot you have to be like, “This is the person I am, a person who wears ascots.” Also, they don’t go with any of my outfits because I’m not a character on Gossip Girl who can pull this off. I tried to be cute and tie it around my New Yorker tote bag, but then it kept falling off. And as a cautionary warning, I would like to take this moment to remind you I spent 28 dollars on this square piece of silk.


Now, I take my ascot with me everywhere. While other people wear unstylish N95’s and bandanas, I’m wearing something with class. All thanks to the CDC, my $28 is not for naught. Wow, I can’t believe I say words like “naught” now. Must be the ascot!


Thanks, CDC!