Terrified Nation Watches Helplessly as On-And-Off Couple Gets Dog

couple with dog

From the pandemic to an upcoming election that the president is working hard to delegitimize, it seems there’s no shortage of looming disasters hanging over the heads of Americans. But that didn’t stop on-and-off couple Emily Gaughan and Jackson Collins from getting a dog this week.


“It came as a real shock,” says Gaughan’s coworker, Marieliz Garcia. “I was just on Instagram going through stories when suddenly I opened Emily’s and saw a video of Jackson playing with a puppy. Of course, I hoped and prayed that it was all a misunderstanding, maybe just a friend’s dog.”


“The last time Emily talked to me about Jackson, it was about how they were over for good this time, so I just thought surely they haven’t co-adopted a dog,” Garcia adds. “But one look at Jackson’s feed turned up a ‘welcome to the family’ post that really made my heart stop for a second.”


And even those less directly impacted by the unfolding situation are feeling the weight of such imminent disaster.


“I don’t consider myself a very political person, I’m not really one for current events or keeping up with every latest scandal,” says an Instagram follower of Collins, Hamza Said. “But when I saw Jackson and Emily got a freaking dog, that got under my skin. Certain things you just can’t turn a blind eye to.”


“We all have individual liberties, but when you make decisions this reckless, you implicate everyone unfortunate enough to know of it,” adds Said. “Plus literally last week Jackson posted a Close Friends story that said, ‘single again, anyone got a couch I can crash on?’”



Sources close to the story confirm it is an absolute nightmare.


“They thought that living together during quarantine would strengthen their relationship, and it didn’t,” says the couples’ roommate, Julia Schwartz. “Now they think this dog will save them, and it won’t.”


“I just feel so powerless,” adds Schwartz. “But with that said, I look forward to trauma-bonding with the dog while Emily and Jackson scream fight across the paper-thin wall that separates our rooms.”


We extend our thoughts to all those most affected by this turbulent period created by Emily and Jackson.