High heels are out and flats are in, as more girls nowadays are choosing comfort over sexy. But comfort and protection go hand-in-hand. And nothing’s sexier than a loaded gun. Take America’s birthright and work it, girl! Here are ten ways to spice up your look with a loaded gun.
(But make sure to keep the safety on. Or is it off? Frankly, I’m not sure. Whatever the thing is that stops you from accidentally firing a gun, do that. If you don’t, there’s a real chance you could blow your fucking head off.)
Carry a loaded gun.
No matter your outfit, accessorizing it with a loaded gun instantly adds a healthy dash of sexy. Being sexy is powerful. And there’s nothing more powerful than knowing you can put the fear of God into other people on a mere whim. Whether you live in a state with loose handgun laws where people know how hot this is, or a state where people are about to realize it when they see you, this look is the way to go.
Carry two loaded guns.
Oh man, imagine how sexy you’ll feel holding a loaded gun in each hand, fingers curled around cold metal. As a bonus, think of how much you’ll tone your legs carrying the weight of two loaded guns around.
Brandish a loaded gun while smoking a cigarette.
Smoking is bad for you, but it sure is sexy. What makes it even sexier is if you’re lazily waving around a loaded gun in your free hand. This carefree and probably dangerous style has been sweeping the lookbooks in Milan for decades, and now it’s time to bring it stateside.
Take a loaded gun selfie.
Selfies are so passé! Turn up the heat by taking one with a loaded gun. Seductively rest it on your cheek, or place it on your temple like you’re thinking real hard. Smart is sexy. Smart and gun toting is even sexier. Be careful, though: you don’t want to accidentally Instagram yourself blowing your own fucking face off. That is a definite social media faux pas.
Use your cleavage as a gun holster.
Nothing accentuates your boob crack more than sticking a loaded gun in it. You’ll find your cleavage is almost tailor-made for holding any small firearm. When you’re packing heat between your girls, you’ll be certain to get his attention.
Stroke your hair with a loaded gun.
When you first twirl your hair around the cold metal of a loaded gun, you won’t believe how alluring you’ll feel. And don’t be afraid to be playful! A flirtatious hair flip with a loaded gun tells him you’re ready for a night of wild fun.
Wear a bikini with a loaded gun.
Imagine lying poolside in your hottest bikini sipping a frozen daiquiri with a loaded gun peeking out of your swimsuit. That’s a “surefire” way to stand out from the other sunbathing beauties! Plus, a loaded gun really shows off your curves. Take care not to splatter your own vagina all over the pool deck. For lots of guys, that’s actually a dealbreaker.
Geek up your loaded gun.
Geeky sexy is so hot right now—how about extending that look to your loaded gun? Try slipping a pair of nerdy glasses over the nozzle. Just be careful not to splatter that big, fact-loving brain all over the place.
Lick a loaded gun.
Whipping out a loaded gun on a dinner date and engaging in some seductive nozzle play with your tongue is irresistibly sexy. It’s so sexy, your date’s mouth is certain to go completely slack as their eyes shoot wide open. This expression is often mistaken for remarkable amounts of fear. But this is just a sure sign you are remarkably turning him on. Be sure not to kill the mood by blowing your own fucking mouth inside out.
Take a loaded gun into the bedroom.
Pairing some sexy lingerie with a loaded gun is the ultimate turn-on. It’s delicate and powerful, racy and emboldening. When you have sex with a loaded gun, you’ll wonder why you even bothered having sex without one. Again, make sure the safety is on (or off, whichever one is the safe one). Accidentally blowing off his wang will completely ruin your chances at getting a second date.
There you have it! If you think of any others, add them in the comments. You can even type them with a loaded gun—we do it all the time! Just be careful not to accidentally shoot yourself while ty
