After discovering a “boy kill list” at her Tribeca apartment, The FBI has officially added songstress Taylor Swift, along with her girl gang of 300 female celebrities and fans, to their organized criminal watch list.
“Female friendship is the most special treasure in the world,” says one source inside the agency. “But when one individual can rally this many women so efficiently and effectively, the results can be dangerous.”
Swift’s highly theatrical music videos are now being considered by investigators as propaganda films meant to attract new girl gang members. Sources reveal Swift’s foray into the Kennedy family may have been a ploy to get close to powerful political figures.
“We’ve heard reports of her mailing mysterious packages to fans,” said an anonymous law enforcement source. “When will the madness stop?”
Taylor’s kill list was found cross-stitched onto a pillow, among a pile of cryptically woven friendship bracelets. It appeared Swift was hosting a craft teach-in to ensure all her gang members were well versed in string-based arts, in case they ever needed to leave coded messages for one another.
The names on the list were as follows:
- Reddit User hStyles4Eva (He knows what he did.)
- Justin Bieber (Selena G. knows what he did.)
- ISIS
Detectives are still trying to piece together a connection between the names.
“She was so talented,” said one former fan.” It’s a shame she had to go this way. We could have helped her.”
Taylor Swift and her associates are still at large, but you can track their activities on Instagram. If you see anything unusual related to the game, please contact your local FBI bureau.
The FBI kindly requests that you do not leave them in the YouTube comments.
