Someone Gargle Our Balls, We Put a Woman in This Movie

As film executives, it can be hard to please everyone. You make movies that gross billions of dollars worldwide, and people still find something to complain about, whether it’s lack of female representation or plain old misogyny. So as men who just put a woman in a movie, we would like to say a couple things:


First of all, you’re welcome.


Second of all, why is no one gargling our balls right now?


I don’t know if you saw, but we just put a woman in a movie. An actual woman. In a big movie. She’s on the poster and everything. Peeking out from behind the man. And she almost had third billing. It’s just weird that the movie has been out for over an hour now and no one is breaking down our doors to choke down our cum sacks.


I mean men have been dominating the performance industry literally since Shakespeare’s days and we made steps to change that about a thousand years too late. Don’t we deserve to place our balls into someone’s lick hole? Both of our balls, because that movie also had another woman in it. She was dead but she was represented! Eat our gargantuan balls!!


We don’t know if you noticed, but hi, we fixed feminism? Is it so much to ask that you make our balls feel like a tea bag inside a soda stream? It’s not like I’m asking for a blowie, just a quick and emphatic waterfall where the water is my balls.


Look; if we knew no one was gonna chug our testes, we wouldn’t have even let women in movies at all. I would let everything revert back to Shakespeare’s days, when men were played by men and women were played by men, so the womenfolk had more time to get at my low-hanging fruits and I didn’t have to do feminism much at all.



Oh and look at that, we just signed another agreement for a movie starring FOUR WOMEN. That’s eight boobs in one movie – ­EIGHT –, and yet no one is hoovering my scrotum yet? Sure, we didn’t take the time to come up with an original story or interesting characters for them, but who has time for that when you’re waiting for your mouth-and-nut parade?


All I’m saying is we give and we give and we give. It’s time for women to start giving back. Specifically, to my balls. You’re welcome.