Defying the odds and proving size has no bearing on your rancid personality, Princess – a seven-year-old Chihuahua-Schnauzer mix – is extremely small and yet a huge bitch.
You go, Princess! Way to prove no one is too tiny to be an absolute cunt!
Reporters first noticed this small dog was a huge bitch when she started losing her shit at them from across the street even though they were literally doing nothing.
“Oh, Princess? Yeah, I know her,” said local barista Molly Hedges. “Huge asshole. Banned from the shop.”
Molly then pointed to a sign on the door of the coffee shop that said “All Dogs Welcome! Except This Bitch” and a color photo of Princess.
“Had to go to a library 20 minutes away from here to get that printed in color,” she continued. “But it was worth it. That dog sucks. She’s really cute and small, for sure, but she’s a huge bitch. And I don’t use that word lightly. We gave her a pup cup and she pissed on the floor, then kicked the piss everywhere. Insane levels of bitchiness, honestly. Off the charts.”
Princess’ reputation precedes her wherever she goes now, which is a huge win, considering she only weighs three pounds and has, on three occasions, been blown away by the wind.
That’s our girl! Don’t let the elements stop you from doing your thing!
A poll of Princess’ neighbors confirms 50% of them think she should be exiled from the community and the other 50% would love to kick her out themselves.
“I’m not sure if she’s a huge bitch because she’s small, or if that’s just an unrelated characteristic,” local mom Indigo Quintana continued. “But she’s not exactly doing great PR for small things. I’ve found myself being kind of mean to short people recently, and I think it’s because I see a glimpse of Princess in them.”
“I honestly think it’s inspiring that she’s such a huge freak at her size,” said short king Lukas O’Neill. “Princess has inspired me to dream big. Even though I’m only 5’ 7’’, maybe one day I could learn to be a ginormous asshole or even a massive bastard.”
As of press time, Princess’ owner had apologized profusely for her behavior and put her on anti-anxiety meds to hopefully make her less of a bitch. Princess refused to take them, though, somehow managing to eat all the cheese around the pill while also spitting the pill up.
That’s more like it, Princess! Don’t let the naysayers get you down!
