As we all know, eating ass is delicious, but changing your diet can have a profound effect on your body. And many popular diets like keto, paleo, or veganism can radically change how you feel. So if you’re an ass-a-day eater or more and thinking about cutting ass out of your diet completely, here are some things you might not expect to happen:
You may feel tired and sluggish.
Until you go cold turkey on ass, you might not realize how much you were relying on it as a source of protein. You also might not realize how much you were relying on ass-eating as a source of vitality and purpose in life. If you suddenly feel fatigued, feckless, and like a shell of your former self, it’s probably just a bodily response to the bootyhole deficit on your daily menu.
You’ll experience a change of disposition (the bad kind).
If you’re thinking that the aforementioned shift in energy levels will have a lasting impact on your overall quality of life, then you’re right: Some people who make diet changes like cutting down red meat or increasing intake of leafy greens report feeling a returned spring in their step or sudden ease in daily tasks like walking upstairs. This is a great example of what will not happen to you when you eliminate the consumption of ass. In fact, you will walk up the stairs slower if at all. Where do you even have to get to? Not to go eat ass, that’s for sure.
You may experience bullying and harassment from other ass-eaters.
Sometimes, tribes form around what we eat and do, and eating ass is no exception. Some people will feel betrayed by your decision to eat ass. Just remember: the choice to eat or not eat ass is not a moral decision, even though eating ass is obviously way better than not eating ass.
You will dramatically decrease your chances of becoming known as the ‘Ass Master’.
This one is hard to swallow for seasoned ass-eaters: When you go cold turkey on ass, you may notice a difference in yourself after three weeks, and people around you may notice something different about you as soon as three months from your ass-tinence. From that point on, you can kiss ever being called “The Ass Master” or “Ass Queen” goodbye. People just won’t do it. There are so many other people eating so much ass out there.
If this is a decision you’re considering, it’s good to know what can happen when you make such a drastic change to your life. Try it for awhile, and see how you feel (we don’t recommend it!). Good luck!