Only 20% of women say they can climax from intercourse alone, which means digital stimulation is crucial for many of them to achieve orgasm. But with the current public health crisis, you might find yourself wondering if they’re following CDC guidelines for handwashing before getting to third base. Here’s how to ensure all fingers are sanitized before entering your body without sounding like their mom.
Offer to Give Them a Manicure
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Most salon services are shut down, so bring the spa experience to your living room. It really kills the mood to ask a guy if you can look under his fingernails before turning the lights out. If you have to take off your rings for a handjob, he should at least soap up his metacarpus before sliding them into your sweatpants. Trim those long nails and let them soak until pruney. An added benefit: ribbed fingertips.
Try Roleplaying as Cleaner People
If he doesn’t buy your manicurist act, try roleplaying other sexy sudsy scenarios. After dinner at your place, tell him about your restaurant fantasy where you’re the horny customer and he’s the busboy and dishwasher, and also it’s your birthday! If you play your cards right, he’ll clear the table and wash dishes while singing Happy Birthday twice. Now that’s a sexy evening.
Incorporate Their Favorite Shows
You could stand outside the door while they’re in the bathroom and count the seconds between toilet flush and door opening… OR install a TV over the bathroom sink like on MTV Cribs. They’ll get so lost watching Scarface they’ll forget how long they’ve been scrubbing. If they’re into it, make your bedroom a sanitary zone with plastic sheets. Sure, it’ll look like Dexter’s kill room, but fake danger is better than being on a ventilator. It’s safety first for this pussy!
Trick Them, Lie, Whatever Gets Their Hands Clean
Hand them a bottle of soap disguised as lube and when they’re hands are covered in soap say, “Oopsie! Go wash that off while I find the REAL lube” You could offer to do a sexy striptease before getting busy and methodically cover them in glitter. “Oops again! Better get you in the tub!” If both of those fail, jump in the shower and ask them to join you. You could just ask them to wash their hands, but that might get too complicated.
The pandemic has brought new meaning to safe sex, and proper handwashing is a personal hygiene routine we should have been practicing long before Coronavirus swept the planet. There’s no room for error (or hand sanitizer) when it comes to what goes inside your body. If all these methods fail, don’t lose hope! There’s never been a better time to date a doctor and make your mother happy.
