Beth has some exciting skin care recommendations, but honestly, her skin is terrible. But that doesn’t stop her from giving advice! Here are some tips on how you can get your best skin ever, which you should obviously ignore because they came from Beth!
Wear Sunscreen Daily
This sounds like good advice, but Beth has tons of pimples, so because she said to wear sunscreen you should never do it. If wearing sunscreen is what is making her face look like it does, then no thanks, we’ll risk “skin cancer” or whatever. If Beth says it about skin, we’re doing the opposite.
Wash Your Face Every Night
Beth said it is extremely important to wash your face every night before you go do bed, but if that’s what Miss Blotchy is doing, then never wash again. She’s got a Jackson Pollock face—as in, she looks like Jackson Pollock, who is both a big-pored man and also dead. You don’t want to end up looking like an abstract modernist artist, do you? Then ignore what Beth says.
Eat Healthfully
Eating a balanced diet is important to get healthy, beautiful skin, according to Beth. Then again, her skin is sallow, dull, and greasy, so if that’s what she’s doing, forget it and go get McDonalds. The idea is to not end up like Beth.
Drink Eight Glasses of Water A Day
Being properly hydrated helps rid the skin of impurities and plump it up, says Beth. But as we all know, any face advice coming from Beth is a no-go—she has more wrinkles than anyone this side of the moon. Don’t even drink water if you’re thirsty; drink something that Beth doesn’t like, like beer or hot sauce.
Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize
Skin is delicate and must be protected from the elements with moisturizer. But that’s according to a girl with the worst eczema I’ve ever seen. When she says she’s putting on “moisturizer” does she actually mean “battery acid?” Because something’s seriously wrong with the skin on her legs. Seriously wrong, as in she should probably get that amputated. To be safe, stay away from moisturizer.
Go Without Makeup One Day Per Week
Skin has to breathe, and leaving it makeup free one day per week gives it the chance to heal and refresh itself. But again, this is according to Beth, who should NEVER go without makeup because she has a lot going on that should be covered up. Pile as much makeup on as you want all the time, 24 hours a day. This especially goes for you, Beth.
Retinols, Baby!
Beth recommended a few anti-aging and clarifying lotions, but they’re not listed here because if she’s using them then they don’t work. Has she even seen herself? She’s a monster.
Beth gave several more tips on how to have great skin, but really, how can she think anyone will listen to her when she looks like that? Is she skin-blind? Does she not own any mirrors? Is she taking advice, or just giving it? Oh well, all we can do is to ignore her.
