If you are a woman who travels alone, you are taking your life in your own hands. Even an unarmed woman on apple-picking day is just another Lifetime movie waiting to happen. If you stupidly choose to travel anywhere by yourself, following these safety rules might delay your inevitable mugging or kidnapping, but don’t count on it:
Try Not to Speak
The more you engage with the locals, the easier it will be for them to realize you are alone and vulnerable to attack. If you must speak to someone, use the plural “we” to mask your solo status, as in, “We would like a table for one.” or “Help, we just got stabbed in the buffet line.”
Ask A Nice Man for Help
You may only be able to park in a poorly lit area far away from your hotel. If so, ask a hotel security guard to walk you to your car and drop hints that you’re single along the way. Hotel guards are the safest kind of men, so if he asks you out for the evening, problem solved. If not, run back to your hotel room as fast as you can and bolt the door.
Be Armed and Ready to Strike
Take a self-defense class at a local school before your trip and be ready to use the moves at any given moment – not just on vacation, but for the rest of your life. Carrying weapons can also provide comfort and get you in the mood to relax. Pepper spray should be accessible no matter what kind of museum you’re touring.
Leave Ransom Money with Close Friends or Family
Do some research to see how much money the drug lords or weapons traffickers will place on you, then carry the phone numbers of those holding the money in a fanny pack. Just beware of Stockholm Syndrome!
Safe travels and never go to the bathroom alone, ladies!
