Roommate Starting to Get Annoying…and Sexy?

In a developing story out of Anaheim, CA, 25-year-old Astrid Wallace’s roommate Lily is becoming both increasingly annoying and, confusingly, increasingly sexy?


“Normally we get along fine, but this quarantine is making little everything she does seem so irritating,” said Astrid. “But also, the way she’s moving through the apartment is undeniably graceful and lithe. It’s…pretty hot? Oh my god, what is happening? She’s my roommate.”


Astrid, who has lived with Lily for three years without even an iota of sexual attraction between them, feels confused.


“I know this is because we’ve been cooped up with each other for more than a week now, but literally everything she does drives me insane,” said Astrid. “The rate at which she breathes, the sound of whatever she’s playing on Netflix, the way she sings to herself while she’s doing dishes.”


“Actually, now that I mention it, her singing is kind of endearing? Like she had a really pretty voice,” Astrid added. “And face.”



Lily is picking up on the confusing vibes.


“I know quarantine life is hard on everyone, so I’m really trying not to be a nuisance,” she said. “I’m mostly keeping to myself, except when I come to the kitchen to make some food. But every time I’m out there, I catch her staring at me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong!”


“She’s borderline leering, almost?” Lily added. “Maybe she’s just bored and lonely.”


Astrid is still wrestling with her feelings.


“It’s like, the more I see her, the more I just want to throw her out a window,” she said. “But also, those home workouts she’s doing are really defining her arms. And her abs. And her glutes. She looks so fucking hot. She’s driving me insane in more than one way, you know?”


“Maybe I’ll see if she wants to play spin the bottle or something.”