In devastating reports out of Washington University, your doctor thinks you’re annoying and that’s actually what they’re typing on their little computer right now.
They may be trying to pass it off as actively listening and recording things you’re saying, but they’re just talking shit in your medical records and their little doctor group chats.
The lead researcher on the team, Priya Sharma, explained that the team had examined years of evidence and found that 85-95% of the time, your doctor is just bitching about how whiny you are and smiling because they wrote a funny little joke.
“The evidence is insurmountable,” Sharma said. “Doctors find their patients very annoying, and they talk shit to the point where they’re kind of savage. Like one doctor said, ‘Damn this bitch should be diagnosed with being annoying as hell. Gonna give her a referral so she stops wasting my time’ which was pretty mean, but also maybe true.”
Other recorded complaints about you fall under a few broad categories: either you are complaining about something they don’t specialize in, they’re annoyed and just want to go home, or you are taking a very long roundabout way to describe a simple health issue.
The publication defined Indicators your doctor might be talking shit about you on their little computer. These include them saying: “Oh wow that sucks,” or “Hmmm….” or “Huh that’s a doozy.” If these examples arise during your visit, it is recommended to just get a new doctor since this one thinks you’re annoying as hell.
Additionally, researchers determined that while you may be annoying as hell to your doctor, listening to you is literally their job.