REPORT: You Should Probably Wash That Robe

In a developing story out of your bedroom, it has been reported that you should probably take some steps to wash that robe, girl.


The robe in question, which is normally only worn on trips to and from the shower and the occasional post-sex pee trip, has been seeing an increase in action lately as the coronavirus pandemic has forced you indoors and out of the judging eyes of others.


“She’s been wearing that robe, like, all day every day,” says your roommate Alyssa. “While she’s cooking, laying in bed, going to the bathroom. It’s gotta be pretty grimy by now.”


Your two other roommates agree.


“I don’t blame her for wearing a robe all day,” said Renee Dupree-Smith. “Hell, I’ve been swapping between like three or four pairs of sweatpants. But you gotta mix it up, or else you’ll smell like you’ve been quarantining for four weeks. Not that anyone can see that.”


“Yeah, no disrespect or anything, but the robe seems like a health concern at this point,” said Lana Drewes. “I get that the laundromat is closed, but I don’t know, wash it in the bathtub or something.”



“She smells like corn chips,” Lana added.


Sources confirm that your robe had been washed exactly once before you started isolating. At the time of publishing, no word on if you had considered giving it even a Febreze spray or something, you nasty.