Summer’s here! And just like your depressed roommate, it’s packed with high-calorie foods. Potato salad, ice cream – even watermelon – are laced with calories, which is the leading cause of weight gain in women ages 18-34. In order to stay bikini-ready, try swapping out your fave seasonal treats with the following guilt-free mantras!
M&M’s for Eminem Lyrics
Did you head to the movies to beat the heat, only to get hypnotized by the soda, popcorn, and King Size M&M’s off the concession stand? You can get through this. Make your way to the nearest bathroom, look yourself in the mirror, and repeat “Success is my only motherfucking option, failure’s not” until the craving subsides.
Calories Saved: 750
BBQ Ribs for Visible Rib Cage
Aunt Lorraine’s standing in front of you with a platter of her famous BBQ ribs. How could you turn her down when she says, “I know how much you love them!” Leave the sticky hands, saturated fat, and any enjoyment of life’s little moments behind, look her straight in the face, and say our waistline-friendly mantra: “Fat Lasts Longer Than Flavor.” She’ll stop crying eventually.
Calories Saved: 959
Apple Pie for No Inner Thighs
What else is as “American as apple pie?” That’s right: crash diets! During the fireworks show, stuff your slice in the trash and pour ketchup over it while borrowing a motto from our British pal Kate Moss: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”
Calories Saved: 250
Piña Coladas for Disney Delusions
These sugary beach drinks are so tempting, especially when you’re feeling self-conscious in a bikini. Get the same cooling effect for zero the carbs by chanting, “Just keep swimming!” as you forcefully hurl yourself into the waves. An added bonus: shivering burns calories!
Calories Saved: 590
Chips & Dip for Venomous Self-Hatred
What does this popular snack and your feelings of failure and inadequacy have in common? They’re both impossible to escape! Kick things up a notch by devising a personal mantra that perfectly suits your particular damage. Two very hypothetical examples might be: “Don’t be the largest bridesmaid in Jill’s wedding” or, “Stress-eating Oreos will not make Dale come home.”
Calories Saved: 374
In addition to slashing a whopping 100% of calories, sugars, and carbs out of your summer, these simple substitutions are wallet-friendly and take literally zero time to prepare! Be sure to check back this fall for tips on having a guilt-free Halloween by swapping your favorite candy for motivational refrigerator magnets.
