When you’ve finished lunch and are craving a sweet treat, it can be tempting to opt for a loose scoop of chocolate chips, the type of snack that makes you feel like a self-control savant. But is that really what you want? Take this quiz to find out if a small handful of chocolate chips will satisfy your sweet tooth, or if you’re ready to be fully honest with yourself.
How hungry are you?
- Not hungry at all! In fact, I wouldn’t have eaten anything, but these chocolate chips are just lying on the table, so…
- Starving. I seek a snack to dull the deep pain in my stomach, and luckily there are ten chocolate chips within reach! They will certainly be enough, and I will be happy I ate them.
Has a handful of chocolate chips ever satisfied you in the past?
- Yes! It’s the perfect sweet addition to my day.
- No, but this feels irrelevant.
Is eating a handful of chocolate chips as a snack a thinly-veiled attempt to regain agency in a life that is otherwise spiraling out of control?
- Nope! I feel generally good, and would feel even better with five miniscule chunks of chocolate in my tummy.
- Hahahahaha! No! Not at all! Nuh-uh. No sir-ee. Not me! I feel good, and I cry the normal amount!
Cut the shit. We’re here. You’re here. No one is watching. Be honest.
- I am being honest!
- Okay fine…it’s a thinly-veiled attempt to regain agency in a life that is otherwise spiraling out of control.
Are you a mouse or a small rodent?
- Mmhm! I love to skitter and scamper.
- What? No? I’m a human person. What kind of question is this?
Mostly 1’s: Congrats, little fella! This small handful of chocolate will satisfy you! Enjoy roaming the open roads, a vagabond who cannot be held down by man or caught by traps.
Mostly 2’s: Thank you for being honest. Now, go get a Snickers and a Diet Coke from the corner store like a sensible adult.