QUIZ: What’s the Best Way to be a Person in This World? Please, Will You Tell Us?

In a world that is terrible, we all must ask ourselves: What’s the least bad way to just be a person on this planet right now? If you want to learn how to navigate a life chock-full of impossible moral quandaries, existential panic, and all your other human emotions, then so do we! How do you do that? Will you tell us? Please?? Take this quiz to find out:


So the world is filled with horrific cishetero-patriarchal white supremacist violence. What should your job be?

a.) Your job should work toward dismantling any of the manifestations of this framework, BUT if you do that you’ll probably get bogged down by bureaucracy or your own careerism, and you’ll end up a Machiavellian politician or a burnt out public defender and either way you’ll make things worse for everybody, OH NO.

b.) If you have a passion, you should pursue it. But why? Isn’t that selfish? “The world needs artists,” sure. But, like, not you, right? Oh Lord in Heaven, guide us.

c.) These answers are all wrong. In fact, the question is wrong. We don’t even know how to ask the right questions about the right way to be in the world. PLEASE TELL US.


The environment. That’s not good. Do you:

a.) Feel helpless because ultimately your individual choices are microscopic compared to the impact of major polluters driven by economic gain and enabled by evil policy.

b.) Buy a metal straw? Obviously not this one, but really, what? Please say.

c.) Become full-blown climate activists? Even that seems ego-driven. We’ll try to make good choices, we swear, just tell us exactly what they are.


Do you even have free will to make choices about how to be anyway?

a.) We seriously don’t know.

b.) It’s a toss up.

c.) Do you know if we have free will? If you know, you should really tell us.



Spend too much time worrying about your own ethics and purpose, which is itself self-indulgent and unhelpful?

a.) O

b.) h

c.) God

d.) Fuck



There are no results because you still haven’t old us the best way to be a person in this world. This is pretty messed up of you but we won’t be mad if you just contact us and let us know at your earliest convenience. Thanks!