So, you’ve always been a dog person and are steadfast in your position that cats suck. After all, you’ve never met a terribly nice cat. They always seem to run away when you try to pet them, or worse, lash out with a claw. What made these vicious beasts such – to be frank – horrid cunts? Why is every cat you meet a textbook problem child? Take this quiz to find out if the cat that’s currently giving you the cold shoulder is an asshole or if you just hate an animal who has boundaries for once.
What did you do to provoke the cat?
- No clue! I put his wet food on the floor, and he lunged at me for no reason!
- Nothing at all! I just grabbed him while he was sleeping and squished my face in there, then chased him around the house. No clue why he’s running, though, that absolute asshole!
Did the cat give any warning signs that it might not like this behavior?
- None. He actually came over to me for some love but as soon as I reached out to pet him, he seemed to get irrationally angry.
- I mean, sure, he hissed at first, then lightly pawed at me, and definitely tried to run away. But let me ask you this: Why would he run if he’s not an asshole?
Would you say you tend to operate on your schedule or the cat’s schedule?
- The cat’s for sure. He wakes me up at 6 a.m. every day for food, and we only interact when he initiates it.
- What do you mean, “the cat’s schedule”? It’s a cat. He probably always wants to play. It’s a cat.
Has this cat displayed asshole behavior before?
- Yeah, honestly all the time. It’s the only consistent thing about him. Come to think of it, I don’t know if he’s ever been sweet. But that’s just his temperament, I guess!
- No, which is why I’m so surprised! He’s normally very cuddly and cute, so I have no clue what could have led him to, in this instance, not want me to touch him. That’s so crazy! I guess we’ll never know.
What do you think of the concept of “boundaries”?
- They’re so important! I would never want a person or animal to feel like I’m violating their personal space or autonomy.
- Okay, therapy-speak alert.
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: Your cat is an asshole, and hey, that’s okay! Every species has them! Don’t take it personally that your cat doesn’t seem to be happy right now – he famously never is!
Mostly 2s: Congrats! This cat is not an asshole! There is a non-zero chance you are, though. Your cat doesn’t really want to be touched right now, but I guess that sort of thing doesn’t really matter, huh! Feel free to go for it, but yeah, you’re going to get scratched to shit. Have fun!
