After months of cold and gray, spring is finally in full swing! The weather’s nice, everyone’s out and about, and your crush has been sending you some pretty heavy-handed signals — or, wait, is that just your allergy medication making you hallucinate again? Take this quiz to know for sure if this spring is when your crush will finally make his move, or if you’ve simply taken too much Benadryl because the pollen has been, like, so bad this year.
What kind of signals has he been sending you?
- Pretty normal ones! He likes all my Instagram stories and always seeks me out to chat if we’re at the same party.
- Pretty normal ones, too! He paces back and forth at the end of my bed for two to eight hours every evening before transforming into a huge fruit bat and soaring out my window into the night. Major Edward Cullen vibes!
Has he shown any interest in you prior to allergy season?
- Yeah, he’s asked me on a few dates this past year, but I’ve been too busy to accept. My schedule has really cleared up, though, so who knows? Maybe this spring will be when things finally fall into place for us.
- I don’t think he was aware of me until the tree pollen count hit well over 200 and he started doing the whole “ghostly specter that haunts my room” thing. My red, watery eyes and constant, phlegmy sneeze just kind of did it for him, I guess.
On a scale of 1-10, how bad have your allergies been this year?
- Pretty bad, I’m not going to lie. But my crush just randomly brought me over an allergy care package the other day, so I can’t really complain.
- Can you die of mucus? I think I’m going to die of mucus. Ugh, what if I die before I get to go on a date at Texas Roadhouse with my crush? He invited me when he was in his giant marshmallow form. Not my favorite form of his, but I still said yes.
Be honest, does your crush even know you exist?
- Um, yeah? I wouldn’t just lie about all that?
- Well, he sure as hell knows where I live! Haha! In all seriousness though, I’m not sure. We don’t speak the same language. I only know English and unfortunately he only speaks mermaid.
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: Oh, shit, he’s into you! And at the peak of allergy season, too? He must really like you! Doesn’t matter if you’re high on allergy medication or your nose is running like a faucet, this man just can’t get enough of you.
Mostly 2s: You’re hallucinating, babe. We really hope you haven’t tried contacting this man because, for all intents and purposes, you are a stranger to him. Not a hot stranger, either. A stranger who sneezes in public and grosses everyone out. Try saving the Benadryl for when you’ve actually landed a first date and suffer a severe allergic reaction to shellfish, like in Hitch, the 2005 film. That way, when you inevitably start hallucinating, you can at least take solace in the fact that this person did actually agree to date you.
