It can be difficult to tell the difference between attraction and a vague simulacrum of attraction: a desire to desire born of a year devoid of touch and connection. We get it! If you feel like your sexiness radar is all askew, take this quiz to find out if he’s really a hot man or just CGI Tony Hawk doing a varial kickflip in a big ol’ pair of shorts in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. Gnarly!
How’s his style?
a.) Cool but not trying too hard. His clothes fit him well.
b.) It’s a bit early 2000s, but I think that’s just a skater thing. Oh yeah, he’s a skater. That’s hot, right?
What first drew you to him?
a.) His immaculate vibes. He has a confident but not overpowering presence.
b.) At first, it was those huge shorts, but once I stuck around it was the way he busts a varial kickflip that really won me over. That’s the main thing, actually.
How’s his skin?
a.) Clear and glowy, as if lit from within.
b.) Really, really smooth. Almost blurry. But you can’t blame him; video game technology has come a long way since my mom bought me this game in 5th grade.
What’s holding you back?!
a.) Fear of rejection and/or commitment.
b.) Incompatibility of dimensions.
Mostly As: He’s hot! Make a move, or if that’s not your thing, just appreciate that you got to see a hot person. Either way, this guy sounds like an absolute smoke show.
Mostly Bs: So it seems like this man is Tony Hawk doing a varial kickflip in Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. We’re not here to judge, just to confirm that is what’s going on. If you’re not bothered by the inability to touch or communicate, or the fact that he’s a 2D rendering of celebrated skateboarder Tony Hawk from 2001, then all the more power to you. At least it’s covid safe!