QUIZ: Do You Believe in Karma or Are You Just Happy When Bitches Get What’s Coming?

You think it’s karma when bad shit happens to people you hate, but do you truly believe in the Dharmic spiritual principle of intent-based cause and effect, or are you simply taking pleasure in the suffering of those who’ve wronged you? Take this quiz and find out if you’re a true follower of the centuries-old philosophy of karmaphala or if you’re just some basic bitch looking to get even:

Brad dumped Julia because:

1. She was insufficiently focused on a higher level of existence in her previous saṃsāra and did not spend enough time practicing the dharma.
2. She asked how someone as pretty as you can still be single at Aunt Jodie’s 50th.

Your friend’s flight to France was cancelled because:

1. The Wheel of Existence is always spinning, and her previous negative actions now cause her pain and torment in the human realm.
2. When you arrived at Justin’s party she looked at your dress and said, “I wish I had your confidence.”

Your coworker missed out on that promotion at work because:

1. She has not reached Nirvana and will continue to suffer the evils of greed and desire until she transcends the mortal realm and achieves śūnyatā.
2. Four years ago, you told her you dream of becoming a serious artist and now whenever she sees you she asks how your “little hobby” is going.

Someone spilled red wine on your friend Sophie’s favorite shirt because:  

1. Immediate negative effects are the consequence of bad deeds or intentions she has acted on in this life or a past one.
2. She ate all your fries after ordering a salad.

No one showed up to Abby’s party because:

1. She has not reconciled her false sense of self with the doctrines of impermanence and non-being and will therefore continue to cycle through the realms of existence.
2. Whenever someone pays for drinks she says, “I’ll get next round!” She has never gotten the next round.

Results:

Mostly 1s: You are a true believer in the principle of karma and are one step closer on the path to spiritual bliss. Continue to set your good intentions and one day you may consciously break this cycle of suffering and rebirth to reach enlightenment.

Mostly 2s: You don’t believe in jack shit unless it’s settling scores and getting even. Enjoy your foes’ tears while you can because if karmic rebirth is real, you’re definitely not coming back to the fortunate realm.