QUIZ: Are You Nervous About Going Back to Normal or Are You a 300-Year-Old Sorceress Whose Youth Spell Lifts at Dawn?

Whether it’s social obligations or going back to the office, plenty of people have complicated feelings about re-opening and the return to certain aspects of pre-pandemic life, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed with panic or like everything is going to fall apart overnight, it might be something more serious. Are you just nervous about things going “back to normal”, or are you a 300-year-old sorceress whose youth spell lifts at dawn? Take this quiz to find out!

What parts of the last year were positive for you?

1. Having more time to cook, read, or otherwise explore my interests, and the opportunity to take stock of my values.
2. Definitely all of the above, but also being able to seduce young dukes and princes with my beauty for various financial and political reasons that I don’t have to explain to you.

Everyone is vaccinated and a friend invites you to a small party, but you don’t want to go. What do you do?

1. I would feel like I had to say yes if I didn’t have any concrete reason not to.
2. When does this theoretical party take place? Is it tonight? Are there going to be virgins there? I could probably swing by.

How do you feel when you think about the future?

1. Concerned that as a society we’ll just go back to how things were before instead of making the changes we realized we needed during the pandemic.
2. Like I’m gonna be pretty fucked if I can’t get some virgin blood in the next 15 hours.

How does some water cooler chitchat sound?

1. Unbearable.
2. Drinking some water is actually a good idea because when the sun rises all the moisture is going to be sucked out of my body like a time-lapse video of a fox carcass. So fine?

Results:

Mostly 1s: It seems like you’re nervous about things going back to normal, and that’s okay! Honor your feelings by deconstructing them and trying to see what’s at the root of your concerns. You can’t control the world, but to some extent, you can control how you move through it. You got this.

 

Mostly 2s: So you’re definitely a 300-year-old sorceress whose youth spell lifts at dawn. That sounds really stressful, and we’re sorry society is so ageist. That said, you can totally use your dark powers to finagle this situation and we bet you’ll land on your feet. Also just by the way, we’re not virgins, so you know, don’t try to take our blood because it would be useless to you anyway, for real. Okay, be well!