In breaking news this morning, up-and-coming comedian Sam L. Bankman took to Twitter to saying that cancel culture is “the greatest threat to society”, outing himself as a predator who will likely be exposed any day now.
“Everyone is condemning male comics left and right, but I’ve never had any of those problems with any of them,” Bankman wrote. “Cancel culture is out of control. No one deserves to have their career taken away and their life destroyed. Especially if it were to happen to me, hypothetically.”
The soon-to-be disgraced comedian went on to say that the “woke mob” is determined to take away everyone’s right to freedom of speech, including his own to tell jokes about hating women and potentially assaulting them.
“I mean, look at Louis C.K., whose entire career was ruined based on hearsay,” Bankman said. “Imagine if you were in his shoes,” which seems suspiciously easy for him to picture.
“Honestly a lot of women don’t want to work with him,” former agent Maxine Egonu said. “I’m not totally sure why, but I have a feeling it’ll be cleared up pretty soon.”
Bankman has also publicly defended many abusers in the past, including but not limited to; R. Kelly, Roman Polanski, and Johnny Depp.
“We need to separate the art from the artist,” one of his older tweets from 2018 reads. “Are we really gonna let the genius work of Woody Allen be forever lost because of what a few online trolls say?”
According to reports, whatever he did, there’s absolutely no doubt that it’s awful.
At press time, Bankman has posted a new tweet that reads, “Whatever comes out about me in the next 24 hours, I just want everyone to know that I didn’t do it, and that cancel culture is toxic!”