After experiencing an emotionally traumatic life event that has dominated her headspace for weeks, Amanda Dawe realized that the personal crisis she was experiencing was, if nothing else, a well-deserved break from the global crisis she was living through.
“I lost my job and got evicted. That kind of thing really brings you to your knees,” Dawe expressed through tears. “But at the very least I got to get a break from my anxiety about the state of the world by wallowing in some guilt-free self-pity for a week.”
Dawe went on to explain all of the ways that giving in to existential despair somehow marked a slight improvement in her overall quality of life.
“Before, I was lying in bed, working on my laptop, and feeling terrible for no single identifiable reason aside from the weight of it all,” Dawe recalled. “But now, I’m lying in bed in my childhood home, eating Little Bites Funfetti Mini Muffins, and I know exactly why I feel terrible!”
Dawe’s friend, Amy Levitsky, confirmed that Dawe’s personal devastation led to a marked shift in her daily behavior.
“It used to be that if Amanda wanted to talk about herself, she would preface it with a long preamble about how she knows she shouldn’t center herself in the narrative ‘what with everything that’s going on in the world,’” Levitsky explained. “But ever since her whole life imploded, she’s been able to admit she feels like shit.”
“Having to get on a work call during a global pandemic and social uprising is viscerally upsetting,” says cousin Cecilia Hogan. “But in that situation, you have to keep it together and use phrases like ‘circling back on this’ as if the world isn’t falling apart.”
“Now, at least Amanda can be honest that everything is shitty,” she added.
According to Dawe’s Google history, there has been a dramatic decline in searches for phrases like “COVID-19 do I have it,” “activism how do I get involved,” and “climate change how soon how bad,” and a commensurate increase in searches for “milkshakes near me,” “Landslide by Fleetwood Mac,” and “Landslide acoustic cover.”
At press time, Dawe received a push notification and hoped desperately it was bad news from a family member instead of bad news from the Washington Post.
