BREAKING: Groom’s Hairline Will be Pushed Back as Well

 In a developing story out of Dearborn, MI, it appears that groom-to-be Ben Jensen’s hairline will join his ill-timed wedding in getting further pushed back.


“I was supposed to be getting married with a full head of hair next weekend,” said Ben. “Obviously, things are getting pushed back. And unless I look into some treatment options, I think the next year’s wedding photos will prove it.”


In addition to making new appointments with the caterers, venues, florists, violinists, and cake decorators, Ben will also have to make an appointment with a hair loss specialist in the coming year.


“This pandemic really ruined a lot of plans I had this year,” said Ben. “Like, of course it wrecked my wedding plans. But it also destroyed any chance of me getting to just go bald gracefully after locking down a wife first.”


“I don’t know what my hairline is gonna do if this pandemic continues into 2021,” he added.


Ben’s bride Alisa is having her own pandemic hairline anxiety.


“When I chose to marry Ben, I chose to love him unconditionally, in sickness and in health,” she said. “I do think, though, that the implication was that he keeps his hair until we’re at least 30. Now I’m torn.”


“I mean, no one expected this global catastrophe,” Alisa added. “But I certainly didn’t expect to have to squeeze hair plugs into our wedding budget.”



Ben is trying to be optimistic.


“Losing your hair is just a part of life, so I’m not too concerned,” he said. “It’s just not something I expected to have to deal with in the midst of a global pandemic and a civil rights movement and the delay of my own wedding.”


“I just hope the world really ends sometime soon.”