Being a young mom is hard. Being a young-looking mom who’s secretly old? Even harder. I have a 14-year-old daughter, Katherine, and it can be SO embarrassing when people mistake her for my sister! So people usually don’t, just to save me the embarrassment. It’s nice and all, but lighten up! Go ahead and say it: My daughter and I could be sisters!
Say it. Look at us and say it.
I mean, we share all our clothes! Sure, Katherine has asked me to stop wearing her clothes because I “stretch them out.” Uhhh, yeah right, Katherine. My body is basically the same size as hers; there is no way I’m stretching out her Aeropostale XS t-shirts! They’re supposed to fit snug.
I think we all know the real reason she doesn’t want to share clothes with me—sisters fight! And it’s only natural that she relates to me like a big sis. After all, I look so much like I’m her sister even though I’m 30 years older than her. I guess I’ve just aged really well. People don’t talk about it though. Which is weird. And annoying.
You can tell me I’ve aged well; I won’t be offended!
People can get very uncomfortable when they realize Katherine is my daughter and not my sister. Like yesterday, my Katherine and I were running errands, and the man at the pharmacy said, “I have to see your ID for the Robitussin.”
And I was like, “Oh my god, do you think I’m a teenager and my daughter is my teenage sister and we’re gonna go get high off this in the woods behind the school?!”
And he was like, “No it’s protocol. Everyone has to show ID for certain medicines regardless of age.”
And I was like, “What? I can’t hear you, I’m looking at lip gloss!” Can you believe that? He practically said it looked like me and my daughter are sisters. I wish he had just said it, though.
Sometimes I think people don’t say it because they’re jealous. Being a young-looking mom, I have had a lot of experience with jealousy, especially in the PTA! A room full of moms who, as each day passes, look less and less like their daughter’s sister? Oh yeah, you’re gonna see some jealousy there.
Last summer, at the PTA bake sale, I told a bunch of people I was Katherine’s sister and our real mom died in a fire. You should have seen those jealous hens cluck. They were all like, “There’s no way that’s true,” and “That’s really inappropriate,” and “You shouldn’t joke that way in front of Monica; her mom really did die in a fire.”
And I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, they shot that down without even fact checking it for a second, because the possibility that it could be true is just too real for them.” Talk about jealousy rearing its ugly head. Because I look 14. And they do not. They look 44. I look 14, like my daughter. I look like my daughter.
Sometimes I wish people would just lighten up, stop being so polite, drop their envy, and just say that me and my daughter could be sisters! I mean, Jesus Christ, just say it! Would it kill you to say it?! I’ve spent so much money on neck creams and I’m currently wearing a shirt from Limited Too that says “#OneDirection” on it, so yeah, I think it’s pretty clear that me and my goddamn daughter could be sisters whether or not the morons at the Neiman Marcus counter say so!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take some selfies because the job of a young-looking mom never ends!