2015 Will Be My Year, Starting in February

On New Year’s Eve, I vowed that 2015 was going be my year; career-wise, in my personal life, and in every other which way possible. Since New Year’s Day, however, I’ve suffered a series of minor setbacks. 2015 will still be my year, only now it’s going to start in February. Everyone knows the year really gets going in February, anyway.


On New Years, I was raring to kill it at my job. I’d been working at McKinsey Bower, an investment firm, for two years, so on the 7th I demanded a raise. Don’t let anyone tell you “no!” Unfortunately, they did tell me no, and then they fired me without severance, claiming that demanding a raise proved how woefully out of touch I was with how badly I had been underperforming. No matter, 2015 is still going be my year work-wise, only it’s going to start in February. By then, I’ll have a new, even better job! #JanuaryIsJustAPracticeMonth!


I also vowed that 2015 was going to be a great year for me personally. I was in an amazing relationship with Derrick, and in 2015 we would take it to the next level – MARRIAGE. Then, on January 10th, I walked in on him and Greta from the bodega naked in my bed. Derrick and I are done, and I’m not going to lie, this felt like a setback. I still, however, think that 2015 will be a great year for me relationship-wise! I just needed to wipe that slate clean in order to launch myself into a year of meaningful and honest relationships! Starting in February, I’ll meet someone cuter than Derrick and will be totally fulfilled, romantically. #2015StartsInFebruary!



Of course, dating will probably have to wait until I find a new apartment because I was evicted on January 15th, and it’s hard to date when you’re homeless. Derrick and I lived together and since he’s dating Greta now (and since I’m unemployed and can’t pay rent), he kicked me out. Still, in February, after I find a new job, I’ll get a new apartment and then I’ll be KILLING it. #JanuaryIsForSuckers!


Also, my new job will have good health insurance that’ll cover treatment for the basal cell carcinoma that I was diagnosed with on the 18th. In February, when I get health insurance and get that (small-ish) cancer cut off, I’ll be in the best health of my life! #BlessedFebruary!


I won’t even need to find a pet-friendly apartment because my shih tzu Molly choked to death on the 21st! Yes, that also sucked, but it’s going to make it much easier to find an apartment in February! THEN, this will be my year! #JanuaryIsn’tEvenARealMonth!


Plus, I’ll be able to buy a whole new wardrobe because Derrick burned all my clothes when I told him is dick was just okay. Going through January with only one outfit and my gym clothes has been rough, but think how cute I’ll look when I get some money and buy a whole new wardrobe! I’m going to look great in 2015, after February. #BetterClothesBiggerDicksAfterJanuary!


So, don’t worry about me, I’m doing amazing, or at least I’m going to soon. This will be SUCH a good year for me, I’m just not going to count any of January toward it. #ElevenOutOfTwelveAintBadBestYear2015!