Our Friend Group Decided to Drop Stephanie For No Reason. Here’s Why.

I don’t know; it just kind of happened. Why do some people die young? Why do trends come and go? Why did we drop Stephanie? These are life’s unanswerable mysteries, and trying to solve them is a fool’s game. But, if I must: One minute she was in the group text and the next minute there was a new group text and Stephanie wasn’t on it.


God works in mysterious ways, and so does our friend group.


Things happen. People grow apart. Honestly, ‘Stephanie’ got to be pretty hard to say. Ste-pha-nie. What a mouthful. Also, I think maybe Katie was paying a calligrapher to address her wedding invitations and didn’t want to pay for that many letters? Actually, don’t quote me on that because I have no idea. And Katie’s not cheap. I should text Katie.



Anyway, I haven’t seen Stephanie in weeks because we stopped inviting her to our Sunday brunches. One time she had like, an allergy or something and we figured why keep putting her at risk? Or maybe it was because Rebecca could never remember her birthday, or something like that. Rebecca is so funny. We’re always like, “Maybe wear something that isn’t black?” but Rebecca just loves black.


But in all the seriousness, I think maybe one time Stephanie hiccupped, and Jasmine is very afraid of hiccups because she thinks they sound like a tiny baby choking, so she probably couldn’t even look at Stephanie anymore because she reminded her of tiny choking babies. Wait never mind—it must have been Jasmine’s Pomeranian that hiccupped because she had her put down. But the dog’s name was also Stephanie.


Maybe we stopped hanging out with Stephanie because she was dating a guy who wore board shorts?


No, that can’t be….Oh! I just got a text from Katie saying that Jasmine is dead to us. She’s so right—her hiccup phobia is just too crazy.


I love our friend group.