In a tough but ultimately correct decision, 32-year-old Emma Payne decided to take out a second mortgage in order to go to the movies tonight.
“Life is all about making little sacrifices,” Emma told reporters. “Which is why I sacrificed my financial solubility in order to see Inside Out 2, which I heard was good, but could definitely also wait to see when it comes out on streaming services.”
Yes! We love a woman who chooses her path and follows it!
Sources close to Emma, however, aren’t as enthusiastic about this choice.
“She’s risking almost her entire net worth to see a movie that she’s moderately excited about,” said Emma’s boyfriend, Will. “We can’t afford to go to the movies, and she knows that! Seeing a movie at the movie theater is a luxury we save once a year for our anniversary.”
While her boyfriend tried to reason with Emma, she made it clear that she wasn’t okay with living this way, and would do whatever it takes to make regularly seeing movies at the theater her reality.
“I don’t care how much I have to spend, I want to sit in a dark room with 50 strangers, eat sour candy, and try to make it look like I wasn’t crying by the time the lights come back on!” Emma said. “Do I wish movies were more affordable? Of course! But I’m sick of pretending that a theater-less life is a life worth living!”
Yeah, that’s reasonable!
Emma’s boyfriend, however, was hurt by these statements, saying, “If she really feels that way, then I’m not going to try and stop her. And if it means that much to her, then I should probably go with her, too, even if it means my phone service will get shut off this month.”
Aww, romance isn’t dead!
As of press time, Emma and Will had decided to also get popcorn, candy, and a slushie at the movie –– which, of course, meant Emma needed to get another high-limit credit card that would ultimately tank her credit score for the next decade and that the couple would have to forgo their hope of ever having children.
“I can’t wait to see emotions in animation form!” said Emma, her voice ringing hollow even to reporters’ ears.
