Although it was not deemed “medically necessary,” your doctor made the executive decision to keep you awake for your brain surgery this afternoon simply because she “loved your energy.”
“I knew immediately she’d be a great presence to have in the operating room,” your doctor told reporters. “It’s just not the same if she’s not awake, you know?”
Sources informed reporters that you and your doctor were gabbing up a storm once she began your aneurysm surgery –– so much so that she even messed up a few times.
“It’s okay we’re…we’re…” you told reporters, apparently no longer able to recall the word “friends.”
“Whoops!” was all your doctor –– now visibly sweating –– had to say.
However, your playful demeanor and carefree attitude quickly calmed her down.
“Ouch stop, you’re hurting my brain!” you giggle-cried. “Seriously, ow.”
“She’s so funny,” your doctor fondly confided in reporters, who wished she would just focus on the goddamn surgery for, like, two seconds. “Everyone knows brains can’t hurt, she’s totally just fucking with me.”
Reporters and OR staff alike were still perturbed by your outburst and urged your doctor to pay more attention to what she was doing to your brain and less attention to how you were “such a Taurus.”
“Earth signs really ground me,” your doctor said, completely ignoring reporters’ requests and the sage medical advice of her seasoned scrub nurse. “I’m a water sign, so I definitely need that in my life.”
You responded by informing your doctor that you could now no longer move your right arm.
“Straightforward, charismatic, engaging…I freaking love this girl!” your doctor responded, having now completely forgone her dissectors and pulled up a seat by your head. “You’re just so easy to talk to! Where did you say you were from again?”
Unfortunately, by that point, you had stopped responding. Not because you were dead or anything, just because you now found your surgeon to be super fucking annoying and you didn’t feel like talking to her anymore.
Neither reporters nor the PA who stepped up to finish your surgery could blame you.
