New Types of Headaches to Get You Out of Doing Things

Tired of having the same old fake migraine? There’s a whole world of different headaches to reference when avoiding work, sex, or any other life obligations that get thrown your way. Use one of these new and exciting headaches as an excuse during your next life event to show friends and colleagues how truly incapacitated you are!


Acute Headaches

Stay vibrant and youthful by referencing a headache most commonly seen in children or adolescents when making excuses to your significant other! Given the brief nature of these headaches, they work wonderfully as a short-term excuse. With an acute headache, you can avoid morning sex but still make it out to brunch without fake clutching your temple every five minutes.


Cluster Headaches

Men are more commonly affected by these severe, recurring headaches, making them excellent for strong women navigating a male work environment. Referencing a cluster headache around your male colleagues will earn their respect while circumventing any obligations you had to them. By not participating in a meeting or project due to a cluster headache you are saying: “I’m just one of the guys.”


External Compression Headaches

These headaches are directly related to any type of headwear that puts pressure on your scalp, like a helmet or banking visor. This one is best used when you’re trying to explain to the IT guy why you can’t wear the mandatory Google glasses at your workplace. This also works as a great complement to real headaches, which are less believable.



Rebound Headaches

Rebound headaches are headaches that keep returning as a result of painkiller abuse. Great when used as an excuse to take more painkillers, this headache also works when avoiding social contact with close friends after reconnecting with that ex-boyfriend of yours they all hated.



This headache is not in your head, but in your ovaries! This is an excellent headache to reference to squeamish men to avoid further questioning. Also known as: cramps.


As always, feel free to reference your current, actual headache when you’re too nauseous to move or speak. Don’t worry, it won’t look like you’re avoiding anything. We believe you.