According to a new study published by chemists from Princeton University, that foundation is the wrong shade for you, Amanda.
The study compared your skin tone variation over five years with the pigmentation of the foundation you’ve been using. The conclusions drawn were astounding, and proof that this foundation is absolutely wrong for you and you should be ashamed. Yes, you.
Senior fellow, Ingrid Resin, encourages you to look at the data before leaving the house wearing that shade.
“These findings are proof that the foundation she is using is making her look fucking insane,” says Resin. “It’s at least three shades darker than her skin tone, and that’s a conservative outlook.”
Although you’ve been using this foundation for two years, Amanda, you have to throw it away and get yourself color-matched at Sephora. It doesn’t matter that the foundation was forty dollars, it is not doing you any favors.
“Amanda, if you like the texture or coverage, you can just buy the same product in the correct shade,” explains Resin. “It’s almost winter so your skin is just going to get lighter. This foundation shade will be even further from your natural skin tone. We’re all pretty worried about it.”
Princeton University procured a special grant in order to figure out why the hell your face is such a drastically different shade than your neck, and what can possibly be done to stop you.
Scientists are hopeful that these conclusions will deter you, Amanda, from applying this foundation, although the projections predict that a change in behavior would be unlikely.
“Amanda, for fuck’s sake, get with it, you’re embarrassing yourself,” says Resin. “And if you ignore the research, you’re embarrassing Princeton.”
After observation, scientists confirm Amanda slapped on a hearty dollop of foundation and left the house with her head held high despite wearing a devastatingly incorrect shade.
