New Study Shows That He’s Wrong For You, Mallory

According to a study by the American Sociological Institution, being with your current love interest isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, Mallory.


The study looked at 15 years of data regarding both his and your interests, demeanor, and long-term goals and has concluded that he is so, so wrong for you.


Lead author, Diane Lynch, urges you to consider these findings before taking things to the next level.


“The data definitely seems to indicate that he is a terrible choice for Mallory,” explains Lynch. “His fantasy football obsession alone would drive her insane.”


Unlike you, Mallory, the man in question did not seem to be severely impacted by the prospect of a future relationship with you.



“He would be fairly stable in a relationship with Mallory, benefitting immensely from her passion for baking and cooking.” says Lynch. “But the effects on her would be quite the opposite.”


The studies findings explored a variety of areas in which this man was not a match for you, including his vague lukewarm desire for marriage and family, his lack of career ambition, and his general ignorance of female anatomy.


“Mallory could do much better,” says Lynch.


Despite the study’s findings, the authors project that one in every one Mallorys have a high chance of giving this man a shot, citing a “ severe lack of other options.”