After a comprehensive study published by the University of Chicago, sources have confirmed that my clitoris has officially been found. Despite past claims that it would be a scientific impossibility to track down, this study has disproved all theories made before by correctly locating my clit.
“We are proud to say we have found your clit, which is more than any other research institution or any individual has been able to do thus far,” says lead researcher Dr. Andrew Carlisle. “It took years of hypothesizing and experimenting to get where we are today. We are exhausted. You must be too.”
The study, which spanned four years, began upon first sexual contact and ended today when someone finally found my clit. And frankly, it’s about time.
“Of course we never gave up, but it would be a lie to say we didn’t want to,” continues Carlisle. “None of the men on the team were able to pin down its location, and honestly it was starting to feel like it didn’t really want to be found.”
However, after consulting with me, the researchers learned that my clit did, in fact, want to be found, they were just doing a very bad job of looking for it.
“It was so interesting that even when you gave us specific directions as to where it was we were still unable to track it down,” says team member, Wes Francis.
The researchers admit to hitting many walls during their time attempting to find my clit and failing. However, once they invited a female-identifying researcher, Dr. Carrie Clayton, into the lab, everything changed.
“I was in the lab for maybe three minutes and was able to track down your clit pretty quickly,” says Clayton. “It was just a matter of hearing what you said and adjusting what I was doing after that.”
While the study has Clayton to thank for its conclusion, the men don’t really see it as her victory.
“I don’t really think it’s fair that she gets all the credit,” says Carlisle. “Because we were looking for it. And that’s really good of us.”
