24-year-old Shamari Johnson has dealt with depression for years, and even though she’s tried just about everything to lessen her symptoms, nothing seems to help. She also exclusively listens to the saddest music in the world that she can find on Spotify, but she says that this is totally unrelated.
Phew! Good thing we can rule that out!
“I drink eight cups of water a day, I journal, I exercise, I go to therapy, but nothing seems to make a difference,” Shamari said. “I also have an amazing playlist that I listen to everyday while I do all of these things, which consists of Lana Del Rey, SZA, Beach House, Nina Simone, and the album Magdalene by FKA Twigs. I just don’t get it.”
Wow! What could possibly be wrong here?
Shamari’s peculiar and specific case has stumped doctors around the world.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Shamari’s psychiatrist, Dr. Helen Nilsson, told reporters. “She’s making every possible effort to improve her mental health, except for changing what she listens to, but that shouldn’t be an issue. We’ll just change her medication again, I guess.”
Sounds like a great idea!
However, while countless health professionals haven’t been able to uncover the mystery of Shamari’s treatment-resistant depression, her close friends have a couple ideas as to what could be going on.
“She literally only listens to music that’s supposed to make you sad,” her roommate, Jalen Marks, said. “I keep telling her to stop listening to Phoebe Bridgers on repeat every day, but she simply refuses.”
“One time when we were hanging out, I played Britney Spears and she totally lit up,” Shamari’s friend Emma Pham told reporters. “But even though she felt happy listening to ‘Womanizer’, right afterwards she asked me for the aux and started playing a playlist that Spotify curated for her called ‘Lonely Sad Crying Mix.’”
Hm, okay, but what do they really know?
At press time, Shamari had taken up running in order to get her endorphins pumping, which she can only really do to the energizing sounds of Mitski.
