How to Maintain a Slim Figure While Still Being All About That Bass

Being a woman is all about balance. Society puts new pressures on women all the time, and this year, it’s all about that bass! Trying to maintain a healthy weight while still being all about that bass is a difficult balancing act, but here’s how you can shake it like you’re supposed to without having too much to shake!


Take Your Measurements in Booty Bumpin’ Metric!

Amp up those measurements by using the metric system, because even though every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top, you can amp up that booty by counting every centimeter instead. “Perfect” is a word that can’t describe anybody, especially you and your affinity for heavy salad dressing, so add a little jiggle for his anaconda without making a big fat meal out of dat ass.


Ignore Mom’s Comments

Mom was right when she told you not to worry about your size. But you never listened to any of her other advice, so why listen to her now? There are plenty of times for you to nervously check to make sure your hips aren’t spilling over the waistline of your jeans or that your jiggly arms aren’t showing in photos. Buy a big coat and hide those extra curves this holiday season, and you’ll leave Mom wondering what your size actually is!



Listen to Boys!

Boys do like a little more booty to hold at night. The key words are “a little,” like a full banana nut muffin for breakfast little, or an extra half of an Ensure for lunch little. Up your gym regimen to four days a week and turn your “booty” into a “little booty.” The boys will really appreciate it!


Eat More than a Barbie

Barbies eat literally nothing, which is dangerous and harmful to women’s self-image. So eat a little bit more than a Barbie so that you can still come close to having those big ol’ titties and a bangin’ waistline – all while still fitting into a size 0 pants. You’ll find your own Ken in no time, but remember that this is really all about loving yourself.


Body image is complicated, and while every shape and size has its benefits (being fat is safer if you fall down stairs), you can still shake that booty in your size 2 jeans. So while being all about that base is nice, it’s still pretty much required that you work on that treble, girl.