Lucky! This Woman Discovered a Dead Body While Jogging and Got to Stop Jogging

In recent news of a lucky bitch out of Silver Spring, MA, Dana Clemmons discovered a dead body last Monday while out jogging and got to stop jogging.


“I was taking a route in the woods near my house that I’ve probably jogged a hundred times,” says Dana. “I almost ran right past because my brain could hardly even process what I was seeing, but there it was; there he was. A dead man.”


Almost ran right past but didn’t!! That’s right: this girlie got to go from doing something horrible (jogging) to something amazing (not jogging), and she didn’t even have to feel bad about it. Where can we sign up for this regimen?


Also, the man has been identified as local father-of-three Joshua Reinbeck and local police have ruled his death a homicide.


“Of course, my main feeling is just sympathy for the victim’s family and a hope for justice,” says Dana. “But I must say, the moment of discovery was very disturbing for me personally. My heart rate went up like crazy; I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”


Mm, sure, Dana. Your heart rate went up and you couldn’t breathe when you stopped running. It’s okay to admit when you’ve hit the jackpot; we’ll try not to be too green with envy.


Allegedly, not all sources agree that Dana is the recipient of good fortune.


“The whole thing is so disturbing,” says another member of the community, Teyana White. “It’s just whispers, but I heard there might have been some sort of mob involvement? Honestly, I run and walk my dog through those woods, too, and after all this, I don’t think I can go back.”


Another person gets to stop exercising because some guy died? This is starting to get unfair.


“To frame this as anything but a pure tragedy is really messed up,” says Dana. “I’ll never unsee what I saw in the woods that day. But okay, fine, it was kind of nice that I got to stop jogging, and only like five minutes in, too.”