Fall means it’s finally jacket season! So get to the mall to pick up some of fall’s best jacket trends—oh wait, it’s already freezing cold outside? Fuck. Okay, here are the best light jackets you shouldn’t bother wearing because it is already way too fucking cold outside.
Denim
Denim is back and trendier than ever! Bring back that old school Britney-and-Justin vibe with a new jean jacket, or hit up your local vintage hot spot! Unfortunately, the number of days you had to wear this outfit without getting frostbite is less than how long America’s pop prince and princess were seen in those ensembles. So toss that vintage denim jacket back under your bed and hope that the Mickey Mouse patch is still trendy for the seven minutes of fall you might get next year!
Buttonless Jacket
You were very brave to buy a streamlined, buttonless jacket on October 19th. Unfortunately, you will not be able to wear this baby until springtime — it’s 45 degrees now. The Earth doesn’t care that this was 50% off at Nordstrom; you missed your opportunity to wear this very chic look while you were inside Starbucks getting coffee once. Those were the only four minutes of autumn and you totally missed out!
Bomber Jacket
Try this classic style on for size! But don’t get too comfortable; in just six seconds, you won’t even be able to get the second sleeve on before your region of the country is tundra. Suddenly, it’s so cold that you’re wishing you were a tiny polar bear who doesn’t need jackets because you have actual fur as a biological necessity. You also wouldn’t need $400 bomber jackets.
Clear Plastic?
This high-risk/high-reward trend would’ve paid off — except that you are now living under late-autumnal ice. You are just a clear bucket of ice cubes wearing a clearly useless jacket and that is not a good look. Maybe if you wear a sweater under the jacket and another sweater under that sweater, you will be able to stay fashionable and warm enough to take on a human form again. But probably not. You know how this shit goes.
Sorry about your luck, but try to fit these sexy looks in the ten minutes that exist between winter and summer. Get it, girl!
