Independence Day is just around the corner, and everyone loves a good excuse to celebrate our country. But it can be hard to reconcile your love of the USA with your growing and deepening contempt for the hellscape that our current presidential administration has bequeathed upon us. What’s a girl to do when she just wants to have a cookout without implying that she supports all this bullshit? Don’t worry! Here are some Fourth of July decorations that say “I love my country, but please…do not get this twisted.”
American Flag Garland
Nothing says, “I love the USA” like the American flag. And nothing says, “I disagree with our nation’s abhorrent sanctions on Iran and other Muslim countries except for the ones for which we have convenient economic ties” like stringing a chain of tiny American flags up around the condiment table at deck party. You gotta let them know!
Starred And Striped Dinnerware
If you want your patriotism on full display, incorporate the ol’ stars and stripes into your diningware for a fun, festive atmosphere celebrating the ideals of our country more than its actual practice. Your simultaneous deep appreciation and also deep resentment for this great country will be clear by your willingness to eat potato salad off of a plate bearing its national colors, drink FourLoko out of a paper cup decorated with quotes from the Constitution, and wipe your mouth with a napkin printed to look like an American flag. This land is your land!
A Fun Uncle Sam Cutout
Your guests will have a blast posing with a life-size cardboard cutout of Uncle Sam in the summer sun! The level of Americana will be palpable, so you’ll probably have to glue on some giant googly eyes or sharpie a pair a big boobs onto him to show that, yeah, you’re proud to be an American, but not really so proud of the rollbacks of constitutionally guaranteed rights and futile wars that seem to be becoming more and more common in our current administration. From sea to shining sea, amirite? But seriously, don’t get us wrong on this one.
Try any of this patriotic decor when you want people to know that you are proud to be an American, but only, like, in concept. Not in actual practice. This place is okay but it also kinda sucks, and you certainly don’t endorse anything going on in the White House right now. This is just a barbecue!