John Travolta Still At Dolby Theatre Kissing Things

As of noon on Monday, actor John Travolta was reportedly still at the site of the 87th Academy Awards, disrupting cleanup efforts by kissing things.


“I’m just trying to do my job, and here comes Danny Zuko, kissing the vaccum,” says an anonymous theater employee. “I love his movies, but this is ridiculous.”


So far, the actor has pressed his lips against the tech booth, the Lego Oscar statuettes, theater employee Janessa Garita, the floating column things on the stage, Oprah’s seat, the Xcelerator hand dryer in the first floor handicap bathroom, four scarves, an envelope, a nest of baby birds, Meryl Streep’s chapstick, a jug of Poland Spring water, five pens, a Dutch family taking photos outside, the vending machine, Patricia Arquette’s reading glasses, and the glass box from the briefcase joke no one understood.


“Mr. Travolta kissed me on my ear,” says parking attendant Ray DiFalco. “The guy from Battlefield Earth is still in there, running around, kissing on stuff.”



It’s rumored that Travolta, who broke through as a lovable goumba in the television show Welcome Back, Kotter, has also kissed two babies, the stairs, the glass bricks in the lobby, Judy Garland’s headshot, a brochure for Cirque du Soleil’s IRIS, a stray cat, ten small containers of eye cream, a tote bag, Andy Dick, three umbrellas, and a potted palm.


The MTV Movie Award-winning actor stunned viewers with his intimate facial contact with actresses Scarlett Johansson and Idina Menzel at last night’s Oscars. What the cameras didn’t capture was that those incidents were part of a much larger spree.


“He kissed pretty much everything that wasn’t in a garbage can,” says the source. “But if it was near the garbage or outside it, he kissed it.”


“We’ve just been standing around, watching this famous guy scramble all over the place kissing everything.”


More on this story as it develops.


UPDATE: As of 12:35 PM Monday, John Travolta kissed this reporter.