‘It’s Like We’re Living In The Colonial Days,’ Says Woman Ordering $300 Gallon Of Milk On Mobile App

“It’s really feeling like the olden days,” Mary Hollinger told several friends over the course of the last week, as she was forced to live out of her own home while still having access to almost all of the technology and $300 nut milk that modern life provides. “I feel like I’m living in the frontier.”


“Mary keeps comparing herself to a colonial woman,” says friend Liz Maughn. “I was like, what are you talking about? You just paid a guy to bring you organic milk through an app on your phone.”


“She threw some eggs into a box of pre-packaged brownie mix and suddenly she’s acting like she’s a pioneer woman,” says Hollinger’s brother, Nick. “Also, I had no idea my sister has been drinking $300 milk.”


“I’m thinking I might get chickens,” Hollinger told friends, before quickly ordering an elaborate salad on Seamless.



Other tasks Hollinger seems to think give her knowledge of the realities of homesteader life include using the last sliver of soap instead of immediately replacing it, brewing her own tea instead of walking to the coffee shop, and lighting a candle all by herself.


“I’ve never felt more self-sustaining,” she said before deciding to take a bath in a room that has heated floors.


“Sometimes it’s sort of refreshing to know you can handle roughing it if you really have to.”